When someone close to me dies, no matter the way or the reason, I strive to remember their face, see their smile, feel their touch and even hear their voice. I think my heart will break, but it doesn't. I continue to live life and find joy without my friend, lover, mother, father, sister, brother, child. Through the years of my life, I find this list grows ever long, with each loss bringing with it the renewed pain of the previous ones. Sounds gloomy, but it isn't all tears and fears. The initial pain eases and I begin to remember the good times; the way he made me laugh, the camping trips and the ski trips; the late night conversations and the early morning breakfasts. If we are lucky, the one we have lost remains with us because we choose to commemorate in some way their existence. Sometimes privately, but more often, publicly; memorializing the life we shared with them. We plant trees, erect monuments, build shrines, and give away money in their name. Remembering in these ways helps me heal the wounds. It eases the pain and it brings me joy and peace. The heart and soul of a relationship are not lost when one person dies; but it changes forever. It takes a creative and imaginative approach to refocus the relationship. A poem by Hafiz reminds me that, despite pain and loss, my heart does sing.
WHEN THE VIOLIN
When
The Violin
Can forgive the past
It starts singing.
When the violin can stop worrying
About the future
You will become
Such a drunk laughing nuisance
That God
Will then lead down
And start combing you into
His
Hair.
When the violin can forgive
Every wound caused by
Others
The heart starts
Singing.
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